250-201 - Phineas and Ferb Song Ranking

Introduction
300-251

Continuation of Tier 9: Songs Which Are Roughly Equivalent to Silence

250. Perry's Hat

I am one of the few people who likes The Remains of the Platypus, but I don’t think anyone would consider themselves a fan of its musical interlude. The episode is too fast-paced to spend time on a “herring that’s red.” Especially one that’s not particularly catchy.

**

249. Let's Go Digital

In some ways, this song is the opposite of “You’re Going Down.” Whereas that number starts off promisingly before quickly descending into disappointment, this one seems upon its opening moments that it will leave much to be desired, but in the end, isn’t half-bad. It’s elevated by small details, like the lack of terrible lyrics, which at this point in our countdown, has not been overwhelmingly common. And like the very small rhythmic tweak on the repetition of the phrase “let’s go digital.” And like the very unusual but charming way in which Isabella, Baljeet, and Buford rock out.

**

248. Truck Drivin' Girl

I’m fairly confident that nostalgia is the only thing which kept this ho-hum rock song out of the first post and lifted it into the second. But if I have to pick something more concrete, I guess I’ll cite the line about bringing her friends to the mall.

**

247. Chains on Me

I am expecting this to be the most controversial entry on the list thus far. I am completely baffled by the idea that this song, free of any remotely interesting harmonic or melodic activity, belongs in the same conversation as other season-one classics like “E.V.I.L. Boys,” “Queen of Mars,” and “Disco Miniature Golfing Queen.” I thought that perhaps this rhetoric was merely a figment of my imagination, but I sought out opinions with regards to this song on the M.W.C.A. Discord server, and was proven wrong. 

“Terrific song,” said Zach. 

“I love it! Very bluesy,” said Sey. 

“Didn’t like it when I was young, like it okay now,” said Maria. 

“‘Chains on Me’ slaps, and I think it combines the right amount of sadness and humour to (...) be a bit of a break in how dark the episode is while also conveying that darkness,” said Cadence.

“Is ‘Chains on Me’ a funny and well put-together song in the context of the episode? Yes. Is it one I'd go out of my way to listen to? No,” said Ben.

“‘Chains on Me’ contributes greatly to the dour mood of that episode. Without it and the subsequent spraying scene, you would not fully feel the weight of Phineas and Ferb’s spirits being broken when Candace and Jeremy find them, particularly since Baljeet’s presence helps inject some necessary levity outside of it. Also consider how many songs, particularly in the first season of the show, are dedicated to gleefully celebrating Phineas and Ferb’s projects. It’s almost like their usual requisite fun activity song itself has had restraints forcibly slapped onto it. Now that’s musical storytelling,” said Brian. 

“Scared the s*** out of me,” said Kaylie Alexa. 

A very popular, but not unanimous refrain here is that “Chains on Me” works well contextually. Indeed, the song clears the bar of striking the proper emotional chords of the episode in which it finds itself, but I am confident that this could have been achieved even more effectively, without tedious metallic percussion in the choruses, or the most annoying voice which Dan Povenmire has ever come up with.

**

246. I'm Handsome

This one offers up an interesting change in drumming pattern at the chorus, but just like “Bits of All of Us,” it also offers up an overwhelmingly, unmistakably accent-less Doofenshmirtz :(

**

245. The Ballad of Badbeard

This song is the opposite of “Whalemingo” in the sense that “Whalemingo” is enjoyable in my head but not in real life, while “The Ballad of Badbeard” is never as bad as I remember it to be. This is almost definitely because the hook: “Argh, argh, argh, argh, this is the ballad of badbeard,” is incredibly aggravating in every way. The rest of the song though, notably Ferb’s line about bathing, and of course, Candace’s Fun Time, are pretty much fine.

**

244. The Way of the Platypus

I don’t think there was a more difficult song to rank than this one. If the only consideration were the audio, its home on the list would have been at least 30 spots ago. But alas, this is not merely a piece of audio; it accompanies a scene in “Doof Dynasty,” and that scene, with this song playing alongside it, is incredibly funny, and it’s only in that context that this song can be easily understood as tongue-in-cheek. Without the visuals to accompany this song, it’s over-stimulating, and for a casual listener, indecipherable. With the visuals, it’s understood as a parody of… Mulan?

**

243. Leave the Busting to Us

Ooh, Dakota’s learning how to harmonize!

**

242. Mobile Mammal

Well at least it looks like Perry passed his Drusselstein driving test.

**

241. Foam Town

It would be a real challenge to write a song as average, as mid, as vanilla as this here “Foam Town.”

**

240. When You're Small

But this one came pretty close.

**

239. To War

Among the three military marches from this show, (see #263 and #259,) this one stands head and shoulders above the others. This is slightly to do with the very simple amusement caused by a bunch of tiny creatures with high-pitched voices preparing to engage in battle, and more to do with musical flourishes like the borrowed chords in the “we we we will destroy our enemies” section, something typical of a march of this style.

**

238. Robot Rodeo

What a remarkable opening! We get some brilliant work by Ferb as emcee, and one of the greatest opening lyrics ever put to paper: “You’re not a cow / I’m just a boy.” Unfortunately, it’s downhill fast from there, but the first ten seconds are exceptional enough to warrant a spot in this Tier 9.

**

237. Livin' in an Ant Society

I’m typically drawn first and foremost to a song’s melodic and harmonic character, so it’s a testament to this arrangement and built-in rhythmic qualities that I’ve ranked this song so high despite it being severely lacking in the former categories.

**

236. Army of Me

Neither the musical content nor the story-related content of this song is exciting nor important enough to counteract the missed opportunity for the backup singers to sing “army of he” rather than of “him.”

**

235. Let's Take a Quiz

This theme song isn’t too bad, but the squandered potential provides me with frustration. The melodic range comes across as narrow by design, so that colourations like on the lyrics “something scary” feel almost forced. And the rhyming sequence is pretty spaced-out, incredibly so for a song this short. So much time, relatively, passes between the word “whiz” and the word “quiz,” and then the words “is” and “quiz,” that we barely remember what word is meant to be rhymed with in the first place. This matter isn’t helped by the fact that “whiz” and “is” are respectively placed at the end of rushed lyrical phrases, causing them to not even line up on the same beat that “quiz” momentarily would. Besides that it’s OK though.

**

234. Feelin' Froggy

Of all the great Phineas and Ferb songs which were never released on an album, many of them much, much better than this one, this one perhaps suffered the most from such a fate. There is no easily accessible version of this pretty good rock song which does not include Phineas and Candace’s make-up dialogue, unceremoniously dumped right smack in the middle of it. It is very difficult to enjoy a song fully, if it reminds you halfway through of the least appealing and sensical plot line of the worst 45-minute special that this show has ever produced, by an extremely long shot.

**

233. Dance Baby

In complete contrast to “Feelin’ Froggy,” this is one of those songs which is inordinately boosted by its scene in the show. It’s not every day we get to see Perry and Dr. Doofenshmirtz having a good time together! But we must acknowledge that it is not this song which makes that moment special. Although I’m a fan of the guitar licks throughout, I find the main joke, that of the song being an instructional dance number with various absurd instructions, would have been far funnier with different episodic context, or at least some kind of visual supplement. Even in just considering the song itself, I believe it would have been more effective to increase the absurdity of the instructions gradually, rather than to open immediately with: “go down to the store and buy a wicked chair.”

**

232. O.W.C.A.'s Going Down

Yeah, yeah, it’s West Side Story or whatever, but despite the generally appealing nature of this piano-heavy arrangement, this song has multiple things working against it. One of them is the presence of L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. in general. Another is the single line “Check out our home page and see how we’re trending.” Nothing trends on its own home page! That alone is enough to lower this song to “take-it-or-leave-it” status.

**

231. Atlantis

The best song in the zero-sum assortment is this selection from the Little Mermaid / Hamilton crossover. The shift to the dominant of the relative minor in the bridge gives this one some much needed flavour, but I’m generally indifferent to the other parts of the harmonic structure, and the fast-repeating lines at the end.

Tier 8: Songs Which Provide Me with Mildly Pleasant Feelings

230. Helicopter Fight

I’m a fan of this song’s main gag, visually and lyrically, and I’m a fan of the fact that Dr. Doofenshmirtz’s card game turned violent, even though he played cards for the sole reason of avoiding violence. Ultimately, those are the main elements which pull this otherwise average song just barely above the pile of “meh.”

**

229. Dr. Coconut

No comment.

**

228. With a Dart

If this song were any longer it would almost definitely be lower on the list, but it’s just short enough not to get musically boring at any point.

**

227. Swap Meet

The main hook itself, “you can find it all at the swap meet,” is refreshing enough at both of its instances to lift this song into Tier 8, even though nothing else from this Subterranean-Homesick-Blues-esque number really moves the needle for me. Maybe they should have gotten Bob Dylan himself to sing this with Danny Jacob as a duet! I'm sure he would have loved to do it.

**

226. O.W.C.A. Files

This song includes a cool arrangement, with super nice backup vocals, snazzy brass, and a guitar riff worthy of a thumbs-up. What continues to puzzle me is the choice of backbeat. Unless my ears deceive me, the bass drum and snare drum are both stricken on practically every beat, with a hi-hat sounding on the off-beats. I think this one would have been better served by a more typical drumming pattern.

**

225. Candace Party

Ashley Tisdale rapping could have very easily turned out much, much worse than this, so I commend her performance, and the lyric-writing of the CSWPF for the fact that disaster was avoided and then some.

**

224. There's a Platypus Controlling Me

   

    OKOKOKOKOK shut up shut up just listen to me just listen shut up listen listen just listen just shut up. Are you upset by this ranking? Are you filled to the brim with disagreement? If so, CAN YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN WHY!? Maybe in the comments below!? It is in spite of this song's undeserved popularity that I am able to garner any amount of enjoyment from it! For having ranked a song this famous, this low, one may expect a galaxy-brain explanation. One may believe me to be a hot-take artist. But I am not one of those! I feel entirely lukewarmly about this piece because it is totally lacking in any harmonic or melodic element! Most rap songs contain this element to at least a small degree! I was under the impression that other people liked these elements too! Was my impression mistaken? Perhaps it is not me who is the 'hot take artist' but YOU! You who so cleverly point out that Perry 😂 😂 was only controlling 😆 his hands!!! 🤣 🤣 Doof was spitting 😎 that fire 🔥🔥🔥🔥 all on his own 💀💀💀💀💀

**

223. Non-Reaction Song

Omg I love the Cheetah Girls

**

222. Lonely Vampire

I’m not overly familiar with Halloween music, if that is even a genre at all, but the talk-singing section feels like some kind of Monster Mash parody? Or maybe it’s just a coincidence. I appreciate the fact that this song isn’t merely in a minor key, but goes out of its way to include minor chords themselves in the harmonic progression, even when they wouldn’t typically be called for. It’s a successful trick in adhering to the campy spooky mood.

**

221. My Ride from Outer Space

Nothing about this song is very noteworthy except for the phenomenal melodic and harmonic content preceding each utterance of the title: “Leaving nothing but a paper trace” at 0:26 and “I can tell, girl, from that look there on your face” at 0:57. At every other point, the song finds itself sitting on a non-moving minor chord, but at both of those lines, we experience a rapid increase in the rate of harmonic change, to the relative major, and then, before we can even situate ourselves there, through a logical harmonic sequence back to the minor tonic. These two moments are the factors which make me like the entire song. I could do without the screaming at the end.

**

220. Buildin' a Supercomputer

Ask a Foolish Question, one of the most underrated episodes of Phineas and Ferb, includes this song, which is fine, and which, to cite Schaffrillas again, comes across as a parody of other Phineas and Ferb songs. This is the only time they went this intentionally overboard with self-referentially describing not only the moment in the plot, but the song itself. The rarity makes this song not only stomachable but enjoyable. It also took me an embarrassingly long amount of time to notice each instance of a character getting their brain hooked up to the machine. We get confirmation that Phineas is good at math, that Ferb’s consciousness is packed with psychedelic colour schemes, that Isabella likes Phineas, that Baljeet likes Isabella, and that Buford is good at math.

**

219. Yellow Sidewalk

Similarly to “My Ride from Outer Space” this song is made fun by one particular hook, but this one is far more recurrent. It has nothing to do with the mediocre melody or lyrics, but rather with the backup vocals. “Oooh-oo, oooh-oo, oooh-oo, la la la la la la.” The “oohs” are so melodically and sonically delicate, and the “la la las” so childishly overbearing, that they alone set the proper tone for all of Wizard of Odd.

**

218. Evil for Extra Credit

This may be among the most polarizing Phineas and Ferb song of them all, but I, for one, refuse to equate the questionable plot line with the song itself. Tyler Mann is clearly a very skilled singer, and I have no choice but to give him full marks for singing with a big attitude and full confidence, yet somehow, all through his delivery, making it believable that he's still Carl, a character who notoriously has no big attitude nor confidence. I enjoy the backup vocals in the bridge, and I enjoy Doofenshmirtz’s interjections. In short, this song’s musical foundation was only so-so, but every performance and flourish layered on top of it seals the deal.

**

217. Waggle Dance

Well 👁️ don’t think 👁️ 🥫 really overstate it but 🐝 ☎️ is quite complicated 🔥🔥🔥🔥 😲 😲

**

216. History of the Tri-State Area

I am bracing for some flak. In my opinion, this Wayne Brady feature, which seems to have begun to wedge its way into the “underrated songs” conversation, does not deserve such a fate. It is merely fine. What irks me are the wasted possibilities. Let’s look, for instance, at the questionable way in which lyrics and rhythm are fused. We can even begin with the first couple lines:

“A lot of people know that the Tri-State Area used to be a Bi-State Area with an adjacent area over there / what people don’t know is that originally it was three distinct single-state areas, but people don’t care.”

Clearly, the intention here was to highlight the rhyme between “there” and “care.” Unfortunately, the word “there” lands on the second half of the fourth beat of its measure, whereas the word “care” lands directly on its fourth beat. This difference is very drastic, only by virtue of the excessive verbosity which crowd the surrounding moments. Thus, most people barely realize that a rhyme has taken place at all. To find an example of the very same problem, we need to look no further than the next couplet, where “hurdles” and “turtles” do not merely land on different beats, but are given different note lengths! It is in spite of these blunders that the raw musical elements are able to lift this song into enjoyable territory. The only positive impact of this instances of lazy lyricism is that the listener is pleasantly surprised when certain rhymes, like that of “seaweed” and “read,” unfold in a more typical fashion.

**

215. Triangulation

The primary thing I don't like about this song is that it robs its melodic contour from “Frenemies.” Every other detail is mildly above average.

**

214. Pyramid Sports

The allure of this song lies almost entirely in the absurd novelty of pyramid sports themselves. There is nothing particularly musically interesting about this song, nor are there any especially inventive lyrical turns. All this piece does is to instigate a beguiled state of bemusement and befuddlement. Of all Phineas and Ferb’s creations, none are less realistic in the real world than this one. Its stupid simplicity enchants my mind, and my confusion is not weakened by Phineas's presentation at 0:14.

**

213. Lies

Surprise Blay’n cameo! Surprise Blay’n cameo! But sadly he finds himself appearing in the part of the song which disrupts its momentum. “Lies” is very funny in premise, and musically strong in the opening, but the rapid-fire dialogue comes across like a comic strip that would be called Middle Age Morsels or something. Not to mention, I didn’t realize until recently that those spoken quips rhyme with each other. I appreciate the Elvis situation that Doofenshmirtz has going on at the end; it makes me wish the entire song committed to that musical and visual style.

**

212. The Inator Method

Even though they’re only one spot apart, and even though they’re in the same tier, I feel as though there’s a notable gap between “Lies” and “The Inator Method.” The musical material in this song is excellent, as is the lyric writing. I particularly enjoy the motion on the lyric “backup dancers,” (in fact, the verse as a whole is stronger than the chorus in my book.) I am, however, of the belief that this is one of Dan Povenmire’s worst vocal performances as Doofenshmirtz on any Phineas and Ferb song. Maybe he was tired that day, or maybe he just wasn’t in the zone, but the season-four-accent-absence is compounded here with a delivery that’s more shout-y than raspy. With average singing, this song could have easily boosted itself into the top 200.

**

211. When You Levitate

I watched Carmen Carter on America’s Got Talent back when I used to watch America’s Got Talent. It wasn’t till a few years later that I learned she had sung several songs on Phineas and Ferb, including “Izzy’s Got the Frizzies,” “On the Savannah,” and this one here: “When You Levitate.” Her voice blends very well with the singer credited on the Phineas and Ferb wiki as “bass voice,” especially during the catchy “bom bom bap” hook which opens the song. It feels odd to say that a 52-second song could have benefitted from being a little bit shorter, but that is what I am going to say. As it stands, a whopping 40 percent of the song, (that being the final 20 seconds or so,) consist of the repetition of the title, with the aforementioned hook in the background, repeating seven times. Four repetitions would have been plenty, reducing the percentage to a much more reasonable 25.

**

210. Shooting Star Milkshake Bar

Shake 🥳 shake 🥳 shake 🥳 shake 🥳 your asteroid 🚀

**

209. Jetpack Volleyball

Other entries on the list, which likewise put forward the most common of rock-and-roll chord progressions and the most elementary of melodies, found themselves drastically closer to the bottom than this one. What gives? Why does “Jetpack Volleyball” appeal to me? The phenomenally smooth lyric-writing gets a chunk of the credit. There was no need to turn the rhymes in the first verse into double-syllable ones, but it was done anyway. This risk could have backfired greatly if done carelessly, but instead, we get an end rhyme sequence of “jet pack,” “net, Jack,” and “set back.” To boot, the line “get ready to set back” includes THREE internal rhymes (“get,” “read,” and “set.”) We can take it even further and point out that the words: “strap, “string,” and “serve” all land on the downbeats, emphasizing their consonance! Such mastery of the language! And this is all in the first seven seconds! Altogether, this makes me care very little about the puzzling pronunciation of “fuel” at 0:14. I would also be remiss not to mention the alternation of which beats the syllables of “jetpack” land upon in the chorus. This rhythmic spice, much like the one found in “Let’s Go Digital,” gives this song another couple of points.

**

208. Platypus Walk

The video I’ve included here suffers from some unnecessary dialogue during the first few seconds, but this minor inconvenience is extraordinarily outweighed by all the other benefits. I know that Phineas and Ferb is one of the most successful cartoons of all time, and some might even say one of the most successful shows of the 21st century. Yet, I am always flabbergasted, blown away, and altogether shocked when a famous person makes reference to it, or otherwise acknowledges its existence. This includes Olivia Rodrigo picking Phineas and Larry Saperstein's celebrity look-alike (6:01) and it includes this Platypus Walk video. The Austin and Ally crew is of course giving their all and having the time of their lives, spearheaded by the incredible Ross Lynch. Bella Thorne is exhibiting maximum effort. Eric Allan Kramer steals the show. Peyton List wishes she was anywhere else in the world. Zendaya can do better. Debby Ryan is unbearable to watch. But there they all are, walking the platypus walk! Being made aware of Phineas and Ferb! Wasting their precious time on this planet earth! How cool is that? Even Bradley Steven Perry seems to be having a good time in his two and a half seconds on the screen!

**

207. Doof 101

AS IF this show gives a mouse’s butt about the timeline.

**

206. Carl the Intern

Do you love this song? Or do you just love Carl? Smash that comment below button.

**

205. F-Games

This reminds me of one of the songs on the NHL Slapshot soundtrack for the Wii, the name of which I never knew. The CSWPF nailed the big-arena style on their first try,  matching it in the vocal delivery, and the emphasis on drums, all the way down to the fact that the foot-stomping drags irritatingly behind the beat.

**

204. Werecow

To me, the most endearing part of this song is that Dan Povenmire uses his normal singing voice, or at least something very close to it. I don’t understand why he does this so rarely; he’s a good singer, he doesn’t need to mask behind funny voices! The melodic contour of the verse has significant similarities to that of “When You’re Small,” and this one did come later, but in my opinion, it suits “Werecow” better anyway. The one prominent ‘low’ note per phrase in the verses is much more cow-like, especially since the first one lands on the word “mood.”

**

203. I Wish I Was Cool

If the goal was to write a song which is annoying, mission failed! There is a narrative dissonance between Candace’s vexation with regards to this number, and the number itself, which is not unpleasant whatsoever. There are nice little melodic pockets, my favourite possibly being the big step downard to the leading tone at the end of: “everybody I see.” There are very crisp pop-like backup vocals, and Candace, exhibiting poor taste, cuts off the song right when it begins to explore new harmonic themes! How dare she! This song suffers mainly from not being long enough.

**

202. No Momo

Of all Dan Povenmire’s closely related raspy voices, this may be the best one, but more importantly, it’s suited perfectly to this number. No lyric seems out of place. The motif borrowed from the Ducky Momo Theme Song (“ducky mo, ducky momo,”) is not only adjusted into a minor key, but its final note, landing on the fifth scale degree, is lowered by a semitone, creating the outline of a diminished chord rather than a minor one. Crunching the intervals closer together is what effectively enhances the ‘creepy’ feeling.

**

201. Ballad of the Black Knight

Lyrics alone, this is possibly one of the funniest installments the CSWPF ever put together. First of all, I give major props for the alternating pronunciation of Worcestershire, in that a different pronunciation is second each time, in order to accommodate the rhyme. The one oddball joke regarding the dog food cans is pulled off impeccably, and the hero dies at the end, because he foolishly tried to fight a dragon. The musical style it mimics does not exactly arouse the affections, causing it to land in the bottom third of the ranking, but it nevertheless fulfills its goals exceptionally well.

To be continued.